I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
is it fun? or sober?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
