sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
