U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
