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I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I need to calm my uterus...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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