I skipped work to stalk him.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
