also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
