we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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