Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
