where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
