U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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