at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
