I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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