Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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