I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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