D3 body, D1 cock
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
