they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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