highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
