I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
