Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
