I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize