if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
