Don't you send me to vm
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
