I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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