How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please, let me fuck your mom
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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