I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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