you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
