he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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