rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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