i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize