Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
