sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
