She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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