She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
