Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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