By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
