We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
