Pappa wants mamma naked
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
