I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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