I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
