Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
