It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
