don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
