Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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