i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
