Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
