I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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