I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize