i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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