Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
