All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
