Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
