your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
