She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
