Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
