Your tits are I can't wait for
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
