I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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