you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Let's paint friendship bongs
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
