We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
