We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
