I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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