i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Randomize
