I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
