9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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