I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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