Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
