real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
