Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
