Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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