you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
