I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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